how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
