Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
