I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
