im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
