Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
