So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize