Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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