Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
