I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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