i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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