Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
ttyl tear gas
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
