I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
