it was like his penis was on wheels.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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