just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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