mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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