just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
