I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
