I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
