My hand turned me down
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
