phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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