you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
