this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
