where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
