You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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