Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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