It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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