Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
