He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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