This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize