Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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