Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
