____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
