I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
