But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
