i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
