I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Say something about gay babies.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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