There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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