it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
