1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
