woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
