Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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