the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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