Your mouth is God's brothel.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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