She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
