Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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