if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize