areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
