Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
