Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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