he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
