How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
last night I used snow as a chaser
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
