how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
