It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
