Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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