Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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