Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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