she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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