she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
