either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
