I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
