So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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