if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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