I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
